Tools for Improving Communication

• Communicating well is the key to good results in any endeavor. Alistair Berg/Digital Vision/Getty Images

  At work, at school, at home and in social situations, communication skills can be the difference between tranquility and success or tension and chaos. Communicating effectively is an art, with its own set of skills that anyone interested can learn. Whether you are stuck in a conflict with someone or just want to become a better leader or team member, effective communication is the key to accomplishing your goals.

Listening Skills

• Truly effective listening is harder than it sounds. This is because our brains are capable of absorbing 600 to 800 words per minute, but the average person speaks at a rate of 175 words per minute. It's all too easy to wander off mentally or start planning what you will say next. To fight this tendency, be willing to listen more than you speak, and do not interrupt even if you disagree with what's being said. When the other person pauses, rephrase what you believe they have just said to be sure you understand. In important conversations, taking notes can help you focus and choose which points need a response. You won't be tempted to interrupt "before I forget."

Focus on Issues

• Check all grudges, blame and biases at the door and separate the problem to be solved from the other people who are involved in it with you. Ask open-ended questions. Reframe the issue in neutral or positive terms: "It would be great to have a clean garage" as opposed to "This place is such a pigsty!" Be open to all ideas for resolving the issue at hand.

Things to Avoid

• Certain behaviors can be guaranteed communication-killers. Putdowns, interruptions, disrespectful body language such as eye rolling or finger pointing and using sweeping statements such as "you always..." or "you never..." are all likely to escalate tension and negative emotion, making a positive outcome much more difficult to achieve. Do not indulge in these mini-dramas and point them out in a respectful and non-judgmental way if someone is using such tactics on you. "I'll hear you out, and then I need to speak uninterrupted for two minutes" is far more effective than "You never let me finish!"