Couples & Retirement Problems

Retirement is a life-changing event. Many individuals look forward to the benefits of retirement. It can mean the opportunity to travel extensively, spend more time with the family and indulge in new hobbies. Although retirement provides the freedom to leave a career behind, for some individuals it can also bring undesired stress by causing marital problems. Often partners in a marriage have difficulties coming to an agreement on retirement issues. Careful planning for retirement helps alleviate marital discord.

Considerations

• It is not always practical for couples to retire at the same time. When one spouse retires before the other, frustrations may surface. The working spouse may dislike reporting to work every day while her retired partner is enjoying a game of golf. Another timing issue involves a retired partner wishing his wife would stop working. The wife may feel she still has more to contribute to her professional life before calling it quits, resulting in disagreements between the two. Open communication regarding the required adjustments between couples can be helpful in working through these emotions.

Unresolved Issues

• Many couples create a financial plan for retirement. When retirement comes unexpectedly due to illness or a workforce reduction, the loss of income can substantially affect the family finances. This can cause marital stress and nagging worries. Relocation can be another retirement issue. One partner may want to move out of state to be near the grandchildren while his partner is against relocating.

Planning Leisure Enjoyment

• Planning for retirement means working out how to enjoy leisure time together and when to be apart. When couples retire, they may find the constant togetherness overwhelming. One spouse may desire more alone time and privacy than the other, which can cause marital problems. Lack of togetherness could be another difficult area in a marriage. A husband may be much more active and social than his wife and leave her to fend for herself while he enjoys outings with other people. These adjustments need to be talked about, compromised on and agreed upon.

Creating a New Identity

• A problem that plagues some retirees is identity. Often individuals suffer a loss of self-esteem after they retire. Having a career tends to define us. When an individual's professional life comes to an end, she may feel lost, without purpose. Some partners in a marriage actually grieve for the loss of a career, especially people who lead successful, rewarding professional lives. This may lead to depression, which can strain marital harmony. Working together to create a new beginning can help couples through this transition.

Considerations

• Couples contemplating retirement should prepare for this event by discussing their expectations for the next chapter of their lives together. Open communication is important. Coming to agreement on lifestyle issues maintains harmony in marriage. Some married partners may opt for professional counseling to help them reconcile the emotions experienced while transitioning into retirement.