How to Locate a Birth Family

As of the fall of 2010, most infant adoptions in the United States are open. The birth and adoptive relatives have some knowledge of one another's identities and contact with each other. The birth mother can choose the adoptive family. But for most of the 20th century, U.S. adoptions were overwhelmingly closed, with no contact between the birth and adoptive families and no say on the birth mother's part over who would raise her child. As a result, many adult adoptees today are seeking out their birth families, and vice versa. There are no guarantees, but careful planning has helped many in their searches.

• 1

  Clarify your motives and hopes for searching. You might want to meet with a psychotherapist who is familiar with adoption issues; join a support group for people affected by adoption, such as Concerned United Birthparents; talk with loved ones; or all of the above. Whatever your reasons and expectations might be for your search, be assured that it is normal and natural to be curious about your own origin and identity. Even adoptees who are happy with their adoptive parents seek out their birth families.

• 2

  Take stock of what you currently do know or can readily learn about your birth family, birth, and adoption. Devote a notebook, file folder, or set of computer records to this purpose. Write down everything you know already. If they are still living, ask your adoptive parents what they know. Gather any records that may already be in your possession or your adoptive family's. In your information gathering, do not leave out any details, even those that now seem unimportant or impossible to verify.

• 3

  Learn all you can about laws governing access to adoption records in the state(s) where you were born and adopted. If you were born in another country, find out about the laws of that country.

• 4

  Sign up with the International Soundex Reunion Registry, as well as the official adoption registry of the state(s) where you were born and adopted. The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute publishes a list of these state registries. Adoptive Families Magazine lists additional registries for adoptees born abroad. "Passive" registries will place the adoptee and birth relative in touch with one another if both sign up. Generally for a fee, "active" registries will seek out the birth family on your behalf and ask if they wish contact with you. The Coalition for Adoption Registry Ethics can help you identify credible privately run registries.

• 5

  Contact the agency, orphanage, attorney or other party that arranged your adoption. Ask what information and help they can offer you in your search. Obtain copies of any records they can release to you.

• 6

  Seek out any more missing records that could help your search. These might include, for example, hospital and court documents.

• 7

  Consider petitioning the court to unseal any sealed adoption records. Think about whether or not you wish to hire an attorney.