How to Forgive Husband for Abusive Comments

While it would be nice if the only words that you and your husband exchanged were declarations of love, in many marriages this Utopian desire is far from reality. If you have been the unlucky recipient of abusive comments from your spouse, forgiving him for these hurtful remarks can prove challenging; however, if you don't find it within yourself to forgive him, it will likely be nearly impossible for you to restore your marital health. Instead of harboring resentment over comments that your spouse made, perhaps in anger, seek to forgive him and start anew to get your marriage back to a place of happiness.

• 1

  Consider the severity of the comments. Even minor comments can seem serious in the heat of the moment. After you have settled down from your feud, think over the most hurtful comments. It's possible that, in retrospect, these comments are not quite as hurtful as it initially appeared. By realizing this, you can make it easier for yourself to forgive your spouse.

• 2

  Share your feelings with your spouse. Don't attempt to talk about the abusive comments during a fight, but instead wait until the dust has settled. After allowing yourself and your spouse time to calm, approach your spouse in a non-confrontational manner and discuss the comments that you are still stewing over. Try approaching your spouse and saying something like, "Honey, I just wanted to tell you that when you said I was lazy it really hurt my feelings, because I try very hard to keep a happy home." If your husband becomes agitated by the bringing up of these comments, abort the conversation, as it will only lead to another argument.

• 3

  Listen to your spouse while he shares his thoughts. Don't speak to your spouse regarding these comments, as doing so will likely make him confrontational. Instead, engage in conversation to truly explore the issues at hand. By doing this, you may be able to develop a better understanding of where your spouse is coming from, making it easier to avoid future arguments.

• 4

  Seek an apology and, if necessary, apologize in return. Make it clear to your spouse that, while he can't undo the comment, an apology will make you feel significantly better. If you also said something that was less than kind during your argument, meet his apology with an apology of your own so that you can better mend the bridge between you and your partner.

• 5

  Commit to not re-visiting the comment. Bringing abusive comments from previous confrontations back up after they have been explored and apologized for will likely lead to confrontation and the development of ill feelings. After your spouse has apologized for the comment, do not revisit it, regardless of how tempted you may be to do so.

• 6

  Consider counseling to deal with underlying issues. If abusive comments are a regular occurrence in your marriage, you and your spouse could likely benefit from marital counseling. Seek counseling of this type to strengthen your marriage and avoid these abusive exchanges in the future.