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Family members can fall into destructive patterns of behavior. couple fight image by Allen Penton from Fotolia.com Sources of family conflict are not that different from other types of conflict. These problems share some common denominators. Conflict can be defined as incompatibility regarding goals or values between people in a relationship. Combined with controlling behavior, this can result in antagonism, notes R.J. Fisher in his book "The Social Psychology of Intergroup." Family conflicts can especially cause pain because of the deep emotional bonds involved.
Learned Behavior
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In an extreme situation, a person may have deep problems in her family because all she knows of conflict is one person being violent and the other backing down. When she grows up and has her own family, she may find it difficult to find a healthy way through conflict, and might react by avoiding it completely or repeating the dysfunctional behavior. This is the reason abusive relationships often seem to follow down through generations. It is, however, possible to recognize the problem and break the cycle.
Perceptions
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Within families, grievances are frequently carried on for years. Problems can all come to a head again when people get together for holiday occasions. People also tend to assume particular roles within families and carry these on into adulthood.
The label of "bossy sister" or "lazy brother" still apply, even when they no longer fit. This early allocation of roles and labels can cause conflict later, especially when they are used as an excuse not to engage in more constructive dialogue.
Unfairness
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Sometimes family conflict is not about perceptions or prejudice, but about genuine unfairness. A family member may have been put in second place or neglected, and may have a real grievance.
Not all parents are loving and nurturing. This can have repercussion for years to come. Things change and power shifts, and the adult child may have very complex and difficult feelings about a parent.
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